Kalamazoo this one is for you Dad~ Lori

ABCDEF...I GOT A GAL IN KALAMAZOO. I got lost along the way...dad and today I am really missing you and wish your were hear to clarify a few things and ease my worries. You never realize as a small child that its not the stuff, but the stuff, that you'll remember most. Those bed time moments of tucking in, one more story pleazze, one more song, one more bicycle exercise rotation and a little tickle. This piece was done for my dad, and one of my favorite memories of time spent together...singing.

This is a notebook collage that I started sometime ago, with a precious underlying photo of my babies and the words to our special song. You never got to see Jacks full tuff of curly hair or how independent Miss Mary's spirit is, nor how much she looks like mom. I know you would have loved watching her grow and I saw how much you loved her in the moments you got to share with each other. You called me "spunky", well dad she is 100% spunky! Even more than I was ever allowed to be. She is a big free spirit. And every time she called Michael, Didddie, didddy, I thought of how you said those were the sweetest and most favorite words you ever heard and how you would always remember how that made you feel, Well the diddy, diddys, are fading and I now hear her whisper dad more , she is growing and Jack too, faster than we'd like. The kids are shinny bright spirits and I pray will always remain open. I promise not to stop singing even when they get embarrassed, which yes, they already have on some days.

Today when I opened my note book on this I declared it needed to be finished so I polished it with some coper hearts and my symbolic bubbles and named it done. If you are up there somewhere please rain down some love, hope and light on my family.
We are such good people and could really use a little extra help.

I love you Diddie Diddie, Dad!

61995 Steps in the Right Direction~ Lori

My Omron Pedometer is by far the best $30.00 I have ever spent in my life! Marching into my 6th week of walking and feeling proud of the progress, that I have made thus far, surpassing my own expectations by 10 fold. Pat, Pat.. on my on back. This photo was taken this week on my highest daily steps recorded on my new journey. I have not been this active in years and feel my little Pedometer friend is just the push I needed to keep me on track and help remind me how far I've gone and how much further I need to go. This week I am up 7 miles from last. I clocked 27.38 miles. Even better I stepped into the gym three weeks ago and have been going ever since. Those that know some of my limitations realize this is no small feat for me and I pray I never look back. Yea Me! While I don't want to toot my horn, I do want to celebrate my success and each day I have greater health.

(Actually I got up and took a few extra steps totaling 62061 this week...every step counts!)

Valentines Date to Nowhere~ The Art of finding a good hole in the wall to dine.

A Valentines Fortune Cookie- Luck helps those who help themselves and Love lights up the world...very timely!

Getting to know you. Getting to know all about you. Sometimes you have to take dates to nowhere. This is our third date to nowhere. A stroll through Livermore's Art Crawl and a visit to see a fellow art colleagues work that I have long admired her use and knowledge of color. Then we had a short drive and some great Chicken Pho and Garlic noodles in Spring town of all places. Sai-s in the sunny town of Spring Town... land were time forgot. Sai-s in a shopping strip, directly behind seedy looking hotel. The total bill for Pho, Garlic noodles, tea, soda, and Vietnamese coffee a whopping $14.84 after the 10% off coupon from the to-go menu posted right out the door of Sai-s. We felt pleasantly full and the food was good and cheap. A hole in the wall with value, a true find and art indeed. My dad owed many holes in the wall and I find it a great joy to discover these small family owned businesses that provide value and comfort food for a great price. Thanks Joy for the suggestion, p.s. I won't even ask how you found it...:)


Cell Phone Photography

Community Bowl ~ Lori

This is from our community garden that has been nourishing three families and supporting sustainability, as well as, eating locally grown produce. Having the kids involved has increased awareness their appreciation of fresh produce with its sweet flavors and the by product is growing nutrition habits and awareness. It has been fun watching the pride grown in all the children and seeing how their ownership increases as time goes by. It's amazing how when they grow it, they will eat it, or at least give it a try, which increases the likely hood of eating it again once the body craves a certain nutrients. It's great to get the kids outdoors and away from the constant plugging in to electronics. The garden has also given our families a deeper bond and something to look forward to during these trying economic times. I think the lessons we are teaching our kids and families will be life long lessons and really good memories of childhood for the kids. All you need is a small plot of prime land and away you go! I know many see growing your own food as frivolous, but there are many hidden lessons of value to be learned for all and it just taste better, hands down.

New Years Eve Tea for two and room for you~

New Years Eve Tea for two and room for you~

Once again today I feel full of love and Hope. I feel full of the love that has come through my door and the blessing that surround me each day. Today is a day that they are abundant and clearly and easily visible. Today it is once again the blessing of life that I feel surrounded by and held.

My niece is precious and it's so fun to watch the kids play with each other. I feel so full watching them toddle through the house, their little voices and gestures are heart warming. I love to see the love that my own children have for their cousins, it's a reminder that I have done something right. Both Mary and Jack are so kind and loving towards their little cousins and I just hope they always feel this special love that they share. I know the days are numbered watching Jack share a cup of tea from a tiny porcelain cup and sweet treats from tiny plates, which were ever so delicately arranged by Mary and Bethany. Who knows maybe the treats will keep him coming.

Hope

Today is a new day, and soon to be a bright shinny New Year. Today I feel alive and I realize that nothing much has changed except my thoughts. Today I feel full of the miracle of life. The feelings and rumblings of something new one feels deep inside your being when something is about to change or happen... a birth of sorts. Birth is never less than a miracle and the gestation of new and creative ideas and life force are what often propels us forward.

The darkness of events still reside deep inside for us to ponder and work through, but somehow today the veil of time has lifted, if for only a short time and high enough to reveal the glinting hope that is ever present in the winter season if one peaks out the window long enough to see the miracles. One can find out of the darkness if one digs deep enough the tiny formation of new ideas begin to crystalize and grow.

This is the miracle of life it everywhere around us, waiting to take wing.


"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all."
— Emily Dickinson

Lori Singer

Deep Waters~ On Diving and waves~

On Diving~

Yesterday while spinning my top trying to make sense of everything flowing through my own mind and world right now, I thought of the perfect metaphor for fear of feeling feelings that have lay dormant or enshrouded by the mind's own protection. Feelings that are deep in one's subconscious, registered in secret files for a time one is wiling to discover the truth and be set free from the binds and chains of the past... stamped upon ones mind for protection until one is ready... or if one is ever ready. I believe the mind's intricate storage is why it's so very difficult to make true and lasting change in one's life. Even when we do make change we are occasionally confronted with the vintage memories. It's as if they tease us and call us back to the place were they origianally protected us. But now there is no protection; only dysfunction that keeps us trapped doing the same old thing and often creating trouble in our life.

Sitting on the kitchen floor, I am embracing Michael in a moment of need, reassuring him that old feelings can't engulf him, for he has already survived... wanting to climb inside and protect him from all that he might feel. Wanting to climb inside and attach for fear I too might loose him, but instead my mind begins to drift in the seconds of our secure hold.

I whisper gently into his ear, now there is nothing to be afraid of, for you have already survived, only work to be done. Once those feelings are released and aired out you will have freedom of mind, body and spirit. Freedom to live as you please, no longer trapped or guided by things in which you had no control. Freedom and time to accomplish so much more and too feel strong and alive. Yes, it frightens me to allow you to go to places where I am unfamiliar with, for I don't know if I will be included, but the reality is I have lived for so long in a place were I have not been introduced to, a world you have kept secret that has limited our life together and that has kept you on guard at the palace doors.

Then my mind wanders trying desperately to understand, why? I think of water both deep and shallow. The tragedy is to remain in the shallow end, especially when you have had a glimpse at the deep waters. Much of what brings on unhappiness and fear is avoidance, it is never best to remain once you have begun to feel. It's time to dive into the depths and free yourself. Feelings are not unlike waves which peak and flow crashing to the surface, only to recede leaving you feeling a calmness you have never felt, sure sometimes those huge waves need to be shore more than once to free what they are covering up underneath, but don't let the height of the wave keep you from the freedom you will feel.

I was thinking about fear and the diving. It is never the deep waters that you will bump your head on, but yet some continue to remain in the shallow end and jump in to the shallow end, only amazed that the keep hitting their head and no change comes about, victimized by their fear. Remaining in the shallow end once you have seen more only brings discontent and the need to hide from yourself even more if you remain in the shallow shores of your conscience. Standing on the side or wading in the shallow end limits your life experience. The one thing I have discovered is that nothing that is deep will hurt you, for you have already survived the depths, but not ignoring it can hurt and destroy you. It can tear at your soul making you do things that you never dreamed possible, keeping you trapped by your fear of diving deep.

I hope that you decide to risk it all and dive deeper than you have ever allowed yourself to do. Noticing each ripple of wave that encircles your being as you come up, riding the waves, knowing that they will not overwhelm to the point of no return. You will not be swallowed by your past, but freed to live as you please, wide open, tossed by your own direction, no longer controlled by events of your mind. You can retire those old feelings by diving deep. So diving in and see what it feels like to live life from above not patrolled by the waves your mind has long been afraid of.

I wish you well on your path, our path and I hope that I am included on the other side in a way that only my deepest dreams could imagine. In the way you have always painted the picture to be. I hope that we discover both new and old things about each other and that you can for at last believe that I have always been here for you to lean on and I have always been here for you to grow and for us to grow together, to play, to love, to experience good and bad. To love with arms wide open and closed to those who are not safe. To be together as two, as one together standing strong, teaching others how to love and see clearly, but for now we must teach each other, so that we can move beyond today.

I love you with all my heart.
Lori